Taking a leap of Faith.

DISCLAIMER : this is going to be a lengthy read, so if you're not up for this, I suggest you leave the page now ahaha. But in all honesty, for those of you considering to do something huge that changes your life, read this.

So, recently I had this huge conversation with my housemate about my decision to completely change my life by moving to a different country. And it's been about a year and a half since I've completely packed up and moved away from home.  So I think it's only appropriate that I share with you guys my experience and how it's changed me as a person so far. 

Moving away from home started out as a initial desire and need to be even more independent than I already was. I think this feeling of needing to be more independent started when I turned about 18. It was a point in my life where I started feeling like I didn't know what my place in the world was. Don't get me wrong, I love my family, I love being at home, but it was a feeling where I thought to myself - this wasn't enough. Not in terms of materiality or what I had or the life I was so fortunately living, but more on the fact that I felt like I wasn't being challenged enough. Something didn't feel right, I felt severely out of place. 

I was always the kid in the family that loved moving around alone, was more likely to try something new. So, even as a kid, I was constantly being challenged with everything that my parents put me into. So when I reached a point where I hit a block, it was like my life was just stagnant. I didn't think too much about it at that point and just left that feeling in a box.

It wasn't until I reached about 20, when the feeling peaked. It was as if I didn't feel like myself anymore. Life was just stagnant, I wasn't doing anything that really pushed me (no doubt architecture pushed me, but the push I was looking for was different) - basically, I felt like I wasn't living, I was just going through the motions of daily life. 

It was at this point where I thought, you know what? I'm going to do it. I'm going to move to a new country.

My parents though at first were shocked by this sudden want to move, they were still supportive, cause they could see how much I actually wanted this. If you know the person I am, you'd know that if I really wanted something, I'd really go for it. If I say I'm going to do something, I'm really going to do it. I think one thing I appreciated about this whole situation was the fact that my parents noticed how I actually self-initiated a serious conversation with them and saw the value of my willingness to act upon what I wanted. And my parents are really strict, they don't do anything on a whim unless they knew that they could handle the consequences, it was never in my nature to suddenly bring up something as huge as this with them, or talk about how I was feeling. So when they told me okay, if this is what you really wanted, go for it, it felt like a huge weight had lifted off my shoulders.

The interesting thing is that when I mentioned this to my friends I was in uni with at the time, they weren't surprised at all. A lot of the reactions I got was "you go for it Jade" or "I'm so excited for you".  I think the one response I got from a friend of mine that I still value to this day was "out of all the people in our cohort, I think you deserve this chance". I'm not exaggerating this, my friend legit said that to me word for word. And I think the biggest thing I got out of it was the fact that I made this CHANCE happen for myself. 

Sometimes, you need to take a big leap of faith if you really want to change something in your life. I definitely did. For all I know, moving here could've turned into the worse decision I could ever make. Think about it, I was moving to a place where I didn't know anyone at all, didn't really know the place and barely knew what I would be facing. Yes, I have one family member here, but prior to me moving here, we didn't really know of each other. And you know what? I didn't mind at all. I was up for it. In fact, I was excited. 

Fast forward to being here, moving around alone has taught me A LOT. I've always been okay with being by myself. I knew that was a prerequisite with everything I did. I think the biggest thing I've learned about living alone is to let go of what happens and learn from the experiences. 

You are going to be faced with so many different challenges in life, whether it's a conflict with a friend, or rejection from maybe a job opportunity or even just the occasional loneliness being by yourself, you have to learn to CONSTANTLY pick yourself up and keep moving forward. You're not going to be able to control every situation. You do what you can, with whatever ability you can and you just keep going.

Being in the creative field doesn't make it any easier as well. People assume that the creative field is fun and vibrant. Don't get me wrong, it is. We get to express ourselves in ways that other people don't and we are constantly doing different types of projects. But what a lot of people underestimate is how hard it is. Yeah a lot of people know how hectic it is, but you don't really know how hectic it is until you actually experience it. 

It's sort of like going to the gym. There are days where you feel like actual shit, or days when nothing is working, and everything you do seems wrong. Sometimes you spend so much time doing something, only to have someone tell you that you were wrong all along, or it doesn't give you the results you want, and then you have to start at square one. Similarly, in architecture, there are times when no matter how hard you try, you're still not going to be able to get a proper idea/design out, no way to completely please both yourself and the client at the same time, times where you hit a block and you have to go back to the start. And it's stressful, cause you are constantly on a clock and the time you have left is always diminishing, but you have to keep going. Because everything is going to keep going and nothing is going to wait for you. 

A lot of the time, especially in the creative field, you’re going to be dealt with the word “NO”, and many different versions of it. It sounds like a very daunting field. I mean, there’s no guarantee of anything in the creative field. Opinions are subjective, and answers are not plain black or white. It's hard to put into words. With art, there is no right or wrong, but within that spectrum of infinite possibilities, there still exists a right and wrong. It's not something I can explain, it's something that you'd understand only if you experience it. 

Being in architecture so far, I’ve definitely had my fair share of people telling me that something I’m doing isn’t right, and I've had my fair share of ups and down and uncertainties.

For those who are being told no, honestly, it isn’t because you’re personally not good enough. It is because, you haven’t done anything, or done whatever you need to do to make those people who say no to you to believe in you yet. It’s a hard process, but it’s completely necessary. Similarly, to daily life.

Had I not taken the initiative to step up and tell my parents that I wanted to go overseas to live, had I not taken the initiative to approach different people , had I not mustered up the courage to experience all these new things I’m experiencing,  I wouldn’t have grown into the person I am today. Had I not gone through the experience of having people say NO to me multiple times, I wouldn't be the person I am today.And even if at the end of the day they still don't believe in you, hey, you get to be the person to believe in yourself. 

Life for me now, is constantly going. It's always moving and it never stops. That's when you need to make sure you occasionally take a step back and breathe for a bit. 

(Listen to Golden Age by Speakrs, it's my go-to stop-and-just-stop-moving-ish song I listen to. Trust me, you'll thank me later.)

Moving around alone is great, I mean it'd be better if I had someone to share it with, but for now, I'm happy with where I'm at. Everyday I'm closer and closer to another huge decision of actually completely migrating to this place I'm at now, or somewhere else within the country. I'm happy to go along with wherever life takes me.  

All in all, if you're making a huge decision in life, think of the consequences, and if you think you're prepared for it, go for it. If you're not, think about what's stopping you from doing it and reevaluate your circumstances. If you can't control it, don't stress about it, whatever is going to happen, will happen anyways. Take it as it comes and keep moving forward. You never know if you don't try. And maybe, just maybe something along the way gets you to a place you feel completely content in. 

Sincerely, 

Jade